My Side of the Story

I often read of a mother's point of view or the feelings she experiences when her daughter is getting married and/or about to start her new life with her in-laws.

Marriages are generally considered to be festive events: they mark the beginning of a couple's new life: another stage in the circle of life. However, the bride's immediate relatives view the wedding with mixed feelings. They are happy because marriages are festive events and sad because it signifies the departure of a well loved member of the family.

When my sister was about to get married, I was about 12 years old. I met the news of my sister's engagement with a mixture of excitement and happiness. She was soon to become a bride and that excited me more than anything. The weeks that followed I saw my sister talking on the phone (at least once a day) with a blushing smile. It wasn't difficult to figure out who she was talking to. It also saw the arrival of my grandmother complete with her suitcase. She was to live with us till my sister was safely married. Together my grandmother, my mother and my sister would go out on shopping sprees for my sister's dowry, leaving me and my other sisters at home to plan our outfits and the dance sequences for the mehndi.

Pretty soon a chest was placed in my room that was used to store whatever was brought for my sister. It still hadn't hit me that my sister was going to leave us very soon. I shared her excitement and happiness completely. However, not everyone in the family shared my feelings. Mum would busy herself with the numerous tasks at hand. One of my sisters (we are four sisters in all) remained quiet for most of the time. She had been closer than I towards the going-to-be bride.

Helping out with the packing, the cleaning, the re shifting of the furniture, taking care of guests who arrived at the dholkis made time fly. The memory that rests clearly in my mind is that of the wedding day, when i first saw my sister all decked up as the bride.

I was speechless when I first saw her. For some odd reason, the person all dressed up in the bridal garb didn't seem like the sister I had known my entire life. She was a stranger whom I consciously knew as my sister. When I talked to her, she sounded like my sister but she sure didn't look like her. It took a while getting used to all the makeup-but still, I did not entirely feel like I knew the person behind it. Her whole attire made me act different too! I sat up straighter, would have a bigger smile and would try to talk in a sophisticated manner, all the while stealing glances at the bride. I did not want to go away from her.

The other clear memory of the wedding that I have is of when the maulana solemnised the nikkah. I remember the voice of the maulana and the stillness of the hall as everyone present listened to him. I also felt a strange stillness inside me as the feeling of experiencing an important event that would change my life, took over me. I remember feeling as if somehow that voice signalled the end of my (physical) relationship with my sister, and that now she was going to become a member of another family. I still wasn't overcome with the expected sadness; I only felt a sense of unease.

Another distinctive moment came when they started taking my sister through the hall to her new family/home. I remember rushing to be with her, only to be pushed rudely aside by the groom's sisters, who claimed the right to the bride's side, as now she had become a part of their family. I remember watching her sit in the car, while my mother and sisters wiped their tears. Daddy, red faced, had a funny look on his face as he watched his daughter leave. I somehow remember as though all my emotions had come to standstill and all I could do was smile and watch everyone. I remember thinking I love my sister just as much as everyone else, than why am I not crying?

it was in the days that followed in which I felt sad at my sister's departure. The house seemed eerily empty and everyone had become oddly quiet. Now and than, I expected her to turn up somewhere or the other in the house. As the months passed by, we all began to adjust to life without her.

Another sister is getting married now, I wonder whether I would cry at her wedding?

First Published:
Dawn– The Magazine

January 9th, 2005