Endorsing values — views of a youth

(part of the cover story ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’)

Like everyone my age then, I resented the control my parents exerted over my life during my early teens. No parties, no staying out late, no expensive cellphones (in fact no cellphone till I reach the legal age limit of 18), no flimsy outfits (no flimsy outfits still) and no driving on my own. To top it all off, what I found extremely embarrassing was the fact that my mother insisted on having a get-to-know-who’s-house-I’m-sending-my-daughter chat with my friends’ parents. What frustrated me was that I knew my friends and I knew that they weren’t from a horrible family, so why did my mother have to get so ‘overprotective’ when I was ‘old enough’ to make my own decisions? I knew what was right and wrong.

Fast forward a few years, I can now understand the wisdom behind my mother exerting her control over my life. I don’t have the same restrictions, I can go to parties, stay out not-too-late, drive wherever I want and so on. The only difference bet

ween then and now is I’ve learnt to weigh the pros and cons of every decision I make before I make it. I can go to parties, but sometimes I choose not to. And I probably wouldn’t have been able to make half the sensible decisions I make now in my life if I had been allowed to run wild when I was younger. The decisions my mother made for me while I was growing up helped shape the value system I have now.

What’s ironic is that my younger sister is going through the same frustrations I went through when I was her age. But what makes it worse for her is that whereas the parents of my friends had place similar restrictions on their activities most of my sister’s friends have been allowed ‘privileges’ not bestowed on her.

They sport the latest high-tech cellphones, the kind that costs one regular office clerk more than his entire month’s salary. They have a car and driver to their disposal 24/7 with no questions asked about their whereabouts. My sister’s friend once came over to spend the night and my mother was very surprised when she did not receive any phone call from the girl’s parents. Attempts to explain logical reasons behind restrictions placed on my younger sister don’t work as well as they did on me because let’s face it: her friend’s are doing it, so why cant she? I also know that with time she will understand.

What upsets me is the lack of concern shown by the parents of her friends. Love isn’t shown by giving your child everything that money can buy, it only serves to harm them in the end. If they are given privileges without having to ‘earn’ them, how will they expect to learn how to value them? If they aren’t taught how to choose what is best for them and how to set their priorities in an age in which they desperately seek guidance, how doyou expect them to when they enter into the adult-world?

First Published:
The Review
January 18, 2007